Joanna Anastasia

Having kids

5 reasons to have kids

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When I tell to some of my friends, that I’m not done having kids, they look at me in surprise.
Two isn’t enough ? And didn’t I just explain how having kids make you loose your independence and carelessness? I’ve written about it here, and in consequence some of my friends became really scared, and decided never to have children ;). However, I did gain a lot as well ! That’s why instead of crying in depression on my bed right now, I’m pretty chilled and satisfied, despite of all the changes that I wrote about. Yes, I get to play with play dough and watch Sesame Street again, but mainly I’m happy as a mom of two, and thinking about third, because of these reasons for having kids:

1. Attachment. While I’ve lost my independence I’ve gained this amazing and strong bond with my children. This mythic love that is stronger then anything you ever witnessed before. Yes, it’s breathtaking; to see your kids do stuff for the first time. To make them laugh. To see them asleep. To cuddle in bed. These are the moments of pure happiness that, as a parent, I get to live every day. And this is really awesome.

2. Community. So while the romantic stage of my relationship is over, I’ve gained a family, and the feeling of belonging to the bigger group of people. Because as much as while being a childless couple in love, it was only about the two of us, when we started raising kids, we realized that it takes a village :). That means that I was creating bonds with more people around me, and I started to value more my community, friends and family than before having kids.

3. Creating traditions. So yes, as you might have read in my text before, I plan more my every day life since I’m a mom, but I can’t expect all my plans to turn out as I wish. It would be annoying and frustrating, to plan and then get things turn out not as you wished for.
But there is a positive to it, which is planning holidays and activities as we want it, and creating our own traditions and habits, even through the unpredictable. Living the life you always wanted as a kid. But better :).

4. The positive body image. I’m amazed by my body capacities ! Before having kids I perceived my body more as a not-perfect thing, that I should shape to please others. Not any more. Since becoming a mom, I’m amazed by what my body can do: it gave me two beautiful and healthy kids, and it can feed them too! Thanks to becoming a mom, I started to truly accept my body and love it as it is, and for what it’s capable of doing. Hurray to that !

5. Caring and being cared for. By becoming responsible I’ve lost the carelessness with which I lived happily for so long, but I’ve gained the notion of care. I care because I love. I care for my family, for my kids, but I’m also being cared for. My little one always makes sure if I also had my snack with her, and if I had my dose of kisses too :). I think it’s a win-win.

And what do you think about these reasons for having kids? What are yours?

Are you ready for having kids?

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It’s funny how life changes, right? I mean, when I look at what my life is now, and what it was before I had kids, it’s like two different stories. Sure, I’ve moved far away from where I grew up, so obviously my life is different. But all of you who are having kids, you know, that it is “life-changing” in so many ways.

And it’s funny how my old friends, that I’ve met back in high school or at the university, are always surprised to see me now, as a SAHM, married with two kids. You see, back in the days I was a bit of a party animal… I used to love the nightlife, parties, travelling and meeting new people. Oh, the joys of youth! 😉

Funny how we change. And how our values do too. What we believe in, and the importance we give to our beliefs shapes pretty much our vision of happiness. If we live a life that reflects our values then we can pretty much call ourself happy and fulfilled.

So I was asking myself this question, what changed in my life, that I became ready for kids, and happy as a SAHM ? Which of my values and beliefs changed? What beliefs are opposites to a life with kids?

So here is what I’ve came up with. I believe that the way you feel about these 5 values, shows pretty much if you are ready for kids or not.
Feel free to disagree :).

1. Independence.
In our society it is seen as one of the most valuable assets. But if you think that your independence is the most important thing in your life, then maybe you should wait a bit before having kids. Because having kids means loosing your independence. All of the sudden there is this little creature totally dependent on you. If you nurse, you can’t leave it for more than 2 hours. No more spontaneous get togethers with friends. If you want to travel with an infant better start planning now. And pregnant and postpartum, you’ll need as much help and support as your grandma. Are you ready for that?

2. Romantic vision of relationship.
Pop culture is all about romantic love, the one where nobody and nothing exists except for the couple in love. The one that moves the mountains, the one that is stronger then death, the one forever and for always! This romantic image of the relationship in which you are the most important creature for your partner and vice versa. Well guess what, having kids means that it’s not only the two of you on this romantic island called love and passion. There is someone else, tiny and dependent, who steals all the attention, sometimes even all the cuddles. Are you ready for that change? If not, maybe having kids it not for you.

3. Planning.
This one is tricky. If you are a planning freak then maybe you shouldn’t have kids. You might get frustrated. Because, you may very well prepare your birth plan, baby activities that you’ll attend, and your family dream vacations, but it may all turn out totally different than you planned. Kids have there own temperament and character, and they don’t stick to your schedule.
But if you are a free spirit who never ever plans, then maybe think twice before having kids. It’s not advisable to run out of diapers/ milk in the middle of the night… Are you ready to start planning your groceries, laundry and nap time?

4. Body image.
We are bombarded with perfect bodies by the media. As a society we tend to believe that as a women we need to be sexy. I’m sorry to break your bubble here, but heavy pregnant, with swollen ankles, crazy back pain and gases is not sexy. Postpartum with leaking breasts, swollen lady parts and mummy tummy it’s neither. If you are very attached to your body image and you feel like you need to stay sexy, then maybe wait before having kids.

5. Responsibility.
Before kids you are responsible for yourself. Maybe a cat or a dog. You can leave your pet to the neighbour and go spent all your money for a last minute trekking trip in Peruvian Andes. If you decide to have kids you need to be responsible. Ready?

Having kids is a life-changing, value-changing, lifestyle-changing decision. And the one that I never regret. What do you think? I’d love to know your opinion! 🙂